It has been a year (and a bit) of officially holding the title of the role of Director of Business Operations in the senior leadership team here at Clinks. The reality of my journey before was to occupy a supportive seat at the table for a lot longer, and having a firm grasp of the role before the title or pay.

Quietly, seeing the matters in hand and providing solutions, one day at a time. Seeing the space I can step into and make a difference, showing that I am capable, dependable, strategic and hardworking. Wanting to provide some credibility to wearing the lived experience label, using it for good and demonstrating the value of authenticity where there is purpose.

I feel responsibility for the role I have, being the woman that I am. Modelling leadership in a style that I would prefer – clear, honest, kind and fair. My care for people is genuine, my drive is stronger than ever and my determination to change other peoples lives through personal or professional moves remains my primary focus.

What I Thought Leadership Looked Like

My very junior impression of leadership was to be a person that people looked to have all the answers. My expectation was that mistakes could not be made, I would need to be a role model at all times and that I would not be liked. Leadership are often viewed as sitting on a cloud of their own with no real knowledge of how the wider team feel in their working lives.

My experience in working for leaders in the sector was very varied. Leadership was viewed through personalities. The impact of varying approaches was evidential. I would see amazing traits in leaders that I wanted to make sure I emanated but equally, could see elements that did not always work so well.

Learning to Lead as Myself

I realised very quickly that leadership isn’t about fitting into a mould of expectations. It is about carrying yourself with integrity, being the person you could trust to make decisions and I placed enormous value on the relationships I had built, trusting that open and honest connections would provide me a strong platform on which to move ahead.

I learnt that imposter syndrome is real. Feeling on occasion like you don’t belong, you haven’t earnt the right to be in a room, that you aren’t enough, that someone is going to find out that you cant do all the things they think you can – horrible trick of the mind. There were moments when I questioned whether I belonged in leadership because I rarely saw people with experiences like mine in positions of influence. I invested in what advice I would give to another woman like me, and eventually those voices quiet down.

Something that happened very quickly was the confidence to find my own voice. Equally, the gratitude feeling that I have carried with me ever since I held a permanent job post-conviction needed to come down from being front and centre in my thinking. That self worth aspect was fully charged – amazing to feel validated after a very long time. Not to say I am not grateful, that will always be with me but no longer leading with it. I deserved to be seen for my work and skills and I know that now. I recognise that my personal strength sits in emotional intelligence – when I see this in others - coupled with common sense and capability- its like finding a gem.

My Leadership USP

I thought about the org I work for, the senior leadership team I worked in and how I was different. I represented women, being a mother with young children and older children, I am also a grandmother, I live down in the South East , I head up the smallest team within our org and my work focused primarily on internal operations. Then the big one – a criminal record. My record is spent, it was a long time ago now but I am still open and accountable for my story. Its been a learning journey in the sense of deciding to use it for good and working hard to be more than the label.

I decided to turn into it. Its there. A horrible past chapter that I cannot undo and I don’t deny having it as part and parcel of who I am now. It changed me, the experience of the justice system and the journey since has made me stronger. I have clarity in who I am and what I want from life. I do not feel naïve or want to risk not making an effort or doing things correctly.

I felt that Clinks needed to do more in the lived experience space and I had full support from my CEO to take things forward.

I started the conversations, internally, externally, worked on what we needed to do within Clinks to look after our team and what we should be doing to support our members and the sector. It has been eye opening. The people who gave me their time and interest, their visions and their hopes, the individuals who were open and honest and frank conversations have given me insight and clarity on where we need to move and what we can do to tackle some of those barriers and  challenge stigma. The flip side has been the weight of emotional labour. I feel I have broad shoulders and anyone who has been to prison will know the things we saw and heard stay buried in the mind, but we haven’t seen and heard it all. There is almost a slight desensitisation, not in being unable to empathise and genuinely feel for people, but in accepting real life stories are deep and panful and difficult and traumatising. It has, on the whole, made me stronger as an individual.

Five Lessons From My First Year

1. People with a lived experience deserve a place at the table

Sometimes you wont know if you are ready, dip your toe in, come back later if your gut feeling says so. Collect more experience, more skills, more connections.

2. Empathy is a leadership strength

Understanding people creates stronger teams, people first and foremost.

3. Representation matters

People need to see others in leadership positions who reflect diverse experiences. This sends messages of hope. Glass ceiling? No.

4. Authenticity creates trust

People connect with genuine ownership of the person you are. It is ok not to have all the answers. Be real and being clear is being kind.

5. Time is the most valuable thing

I cannot believe how fast time goes by. The standard “never enough hours” is real. So, 525600 minutes in a year – spend them wisely.

Looking forward

I am going to continue to pursue funding and resource to strengthen Clinks endorsement for people with lived experience in the platforming of our members all working in the areas of support for the recruitment opportunities, self employment opportunities, training and development for leadership pathways and championing all of the amazing outcomes that our members achieve in this space.

We will build a network to bring together organisations led by and for people with LE and create space for leading systems change conversations about the barriers that are limiting peoples hope.

There will be challenges in the spaces regarding different rules for different offences, the red tape everywhere, the media impact, society’s view, gate-keeping, cynicism, brick walls…..

There will also be celebrations of every single good news story of a person that breaks through. I will continue to go back into prisons and speak to people from an honest standpoint. My message being that if you want to rebuild and repair life after prison, go for it. It may not look how you think it will look, it may not be the path you think you will take but take the help offered by our incredible third sector and do not give up.

So after this start in my leadership career, I am still growing my professional identity. I am lucky to be surrounded by role models and mentors and I am excited for what comes next. In the meantime, must also get on with the day job….accounts/audit/HR/fundraising/board meetings…..shout out to all operations colleagues keeping the wheels turning 😊